I tried to get more people to reach out to my (still) husband. I really did.
I thought that if I could only reach the Rabbis I had followed and admired my whole life, they would help solve this problem for me!
If I could only reach out to Agunah organizations and open a case with them, they would have dramatic and effective solutions!
We were still very naive.
The minute my (still) husband found out that I opened a case with Rabbi Teichman, he immediately started declaring that he would only ever consider signing a Get with the RCC.
So I had to figure out the RCC paperwork. It took weeks for me to file a case with them, because they were hard to reach, but also because the process was sincerely confusing and difficult for me to contend with. I told my parents I’d do it, and I stubbornly insisted on slogging through without turning to them for more help. They were living with my baby and me every day already. I didn’t want to add another thing to their to-do list, but it was so frustrating. When I filled in the paperwork, and they asked if both parties consented to the Get, I said no, and they told me they can’t take the paperwork or payment until both parties consent to a Get. After that conversation, they were impossible to reach. I wanted to ask them for ideas on where to go next, but they didn’t return any of my communication.
The community Rabbis we reached out to mostly told us that “I tried to talk to him, but he is adamant,” or they didn’t know how to help. The Rabbis that were more involved in Gittin as a matter of course mostly told us that they’ll help us... after we reach a stipulation agreement resolving all the divorce details like financial support, division of assets, visitation and custody, etc. I have a copy of a handwritten letter by a well-known Rabbi stating: “A stipulation agreement setting the proper guidelines for visitation, child support, division of property, etc. MUST always be arranged before a Get and/or divorce decree. This is the rule in all systems of law, religious or secular.” So there was nothing we could do, was there?
