What did you think when you peeked in the mirror this morning?
Did you rub your eyes, lean closer, and smooth out a wrinkle? Did you lather up your face and massage in the moisturizer? Did you even have time to catch your own eye in the mirror, or did you just get moving because tick-tock, the bus is waiting?
Let’s exfoliate. Let’s peel back the layers and explore beneath the surface image of you, the incredible mom reading this article. Let’s find you, who was created in the image of HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
In the image of G-d, my child is born. With a touch of G-dliness, a woman creates life, just as Hashem creates life for us every moment.
We know this from the very fact that a human being is called Adam and that the purpose of every neshama that is born is to be “adameh L’Elyon,” to become similar to Elyon, a reference to Hashem. That is our challenge, our opportunity, and our privilege in this world: to emulate G-dliness in every aspect of our lives, to become similar and closer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and to bridge the gap between Adamah and Elyon — between Earth and Heaven.
With the birth of a child, a mother is born.
A beautiful sentiment with expansive effects. A new life, a new role, new connections, and a new form of love you never knew until you felt it. Motherhood slowly redefines your identity, your priorities, your self-awareness, and your self-confidence. Many moms embrace it, adjusting their schedules, their career options, and even their self-language when they realize they should speak as kindly to themselves as they would to their child.
But what happened to me? What about before the children come, or perhaps even before the chassan comes? Have I become only as valuable as the service I provide to others?
Many women lose themselves, their individuality, as each woman bravely and joyfully adjusts to the ever-growing demands of motherhood. The physical demands, the emotional needs, and the spiritual capacity of each woman are expanded as the evolving role of mother takes front and center. One day, she says, “Wait. Where am I in the picture?”
And then there is the awareness that time is your most precious commodity, so the question is: ”How can I maximize the twenty minutes I will set aside for myself every day? Should it be sleep? No, I can’t fall asleep so quickly. Okay, so maybe a book and an iced coffee; will that do it for me? Maybe a 7-minute workout? Maybe just a phone call to a friend? But I don’t have the energy to talk, and all we’ll talk about is the kids. Forget it; let me just throw in another load of laundry and tomorrow-me will thank me for getting a head start (if I have time to hear tomorrow-me’s voice amidst the calling of the next tomorrow)!”
Something has to give, right?
Creation vs. Consumption
With the place technology has assumed in the world, many have been forced to reassess its benefits and detriments and consider some form of time-management awareness. Mothers may have had this epiphany already. How can it be that with all the technological conveniences, we feel more breathless than ever? The global technological community has created greater expectations, more demands, more possibilities, and more franticness—more self-doubt and less satisfaction. What’s a mom to do when juggling the beautiful life of a mother, while overwhelmed with gratitude, along with the endless demands?
We are forced to find ourselves again. We are forced to find “me” in the mother.
What fills me up? What gave me that rush of dopamine when Hashem first entrusted me with this child? Let’s use the euphoria of a new mother in the immediate postpartum hours as a template for how to find "Me in the Mother" as I move through motherhood for the next few decades. My body was given the capacity to create life, just as Hashem creates life every day. So, if we want to recreate the euphoria, the amazement of “Wait! I had a part in this creation?”, let’s create!
Some will say, “Nah, it's all hormonal.” I would like to suggest it is spiritual. Or rather, that even the hormonal system is a spiritual venue for growth when recognizing that Hashem created it. It is not “just hormonal.” It can be “spiritual.”
What am I going to create today? Starting with intention alone. What consumes most of my time? Intention and self-talk will matter first and foremost here.
I create stability with each bedtime routine.
I create healthy patterns with each dentist appointment.
I create peace of mind with each cleared table, each home system, and each somewhat organized shelf or homework station.
I create a child who walks with pride and confidence with each load of laundry.
I create a nourished soul with each encouraging word I intentionally speak.
But did you notice how we landed back at motherhood again? It is gradual, but because connection and nurturing are our superpowers and where women are meant to shine, it may be challenging to step back from them momentarily.
Let’s ask again: What am I going to create today?
A mother is so many things, but she is not a machine.
She herself needs to be nurtured. Period. Also, she needs to be nurtured to nurture - joyfully, creatively, intentionally.
This concept impacts my mindset as a mother tremendously, but first and foremost as a daughter.
A daughter of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Hashem, my Father, wants me to succeed in my role even more than I do—not only the service roles I fill for others, but first and foremost in my role as His child. Because He sees what I can be; He sees the potential. So, He planted within us ideas and activities and possibilities that light us up, that excite us. That makes us feel a rush of dopamine when we accomplish a task, clear a shelf, or see the tree coming to form in my painting. When we finish setting the Shabbos table, when we complete a project at work, or when we have a moment of connection with our spouse or child. The examples are vast because possibility is vast, and we know what excites us—what comes easily to us or a skill that we have a deep-seated desire to develop.
